(no subject)

[grandtrashking]

[It had been about four and a half years since Tooru had returned to that painful place, but he'd been there for a reason this time despite having not wanted to return. Not when that place held a painful memory, being the day he'd "died" to almost everyone he'd known. A small handful of people he did know, apparently, had been werewolves as well. Some born, some turned, and a couple of them just aware of the supernatural from young ages and were just human themselves. Even some of his friends, at that, but they'd helped him adjust at the very least. He knew he couldn't ever face Iwaizumi again, so he'd left Japan as soon as he was able to. It hurt at first, and there were times he wanted to turn back and fling himself at the person he loved dearly, but Tooru learned to deal with the heartache until it became a dull throb in his mind that he could ignore most days.

Until that dawn when he was sniffing out a trail of a teenager who recently had been turned and Tooru came upon the last person he wanted to be faced with.

The figure was unmistakable, and Tooru remembered that smell even 5 years later. It was him, it was his Hajime. Panic washed over him, and the only things in Tooru's favour among the trees was that he was in wolf form, and that he was fortunately approaching from behind. Everything else was terrible, especially with the wind blowing towards where he was going. In an instant, Tooru took off, breaking twigs beneath his feet and to the worst of his luck he got caught in a trap.

This was bad, he didn't want to face him after all these years. Not like this, not like what he'd become. His heart felt ripped open all over again, impossible to stitch back together. 24 years old feeling like 19 and waking up in his own blood all over again and restrained by familiar faces that knew him and what he was thinking.]

Comments

[toughlovin]

[Hajime had come here often over the years. This was the scene of his greatest pain. His greatest shame. It was here where he had lost the man he had loved with all of his heart... and he had run. He'd left him. Fear had sent him away even when he'd wanted to stay and die at Tooru's side. A life time of rules had forced him into action at the time. Keep hidden. Stay away from werewolves. And he'd sensed them coming. Had known he could do nothing and he had run.

The regret Hajime felt had driven him into seclusion for almost two years. The pain had near overwhelmed him to the point he'd lost himself a little...

When he'd returned to the world he was a quieter man. Angrier and devoid of what little humanity he had cultivated growing up besides the ray of light that had been his Tooru. His world had quickly become cold, dark and devoid of sentiment.

Except for this one thing.

This pilgrimage that brought him to the place that hurt him the greatest. A reminder of his weakness.

He stood there, hands shoved deep within the pockets of a leather jacket with his head bowed and eyes on the ground. It was almost as if he could see Tooru there. Cold. Dead. Blood all around him, matting and darkening his hair almost to black. Hajime could see that image at all times. It haunted him. But here the vision was so strong he felt he could reach out and touch Tooru...

And he almost did. His left hand lifted from his pocket and he was already beginning to crouch when he heard a sound behind him.

Hajime's head whipped around, eyes focused quickly on the abnormal shifting of leaf's that told him someone had been there watching him. Then he moved. He ran once again, only this time it was toward the one who had dared to interrupt him. Ahead he heard a snap and soon realised just what that was when he came upon a wolf in a trap.

His lips twisted into a humourless smirk.]

Suppose this is karma. Where you going to attack, Fido? Too bad you hesitated.

[He circled the wolf. A pretty thing, if you liked that sort of thing. It was almost a shame he was going to have to put it out of it's misery.]

[grandtrashking]

[Tooru wanted to curse everything his life had subjected him to, and the hate he wanted to feel at that moment instead of other overwhelming feelings. He wanted to be able to snarl and snap instead of cower and be stilled with a fear of being found out after all these years, after letting Hajime believe he was dead and the anger he knew would come from him for lying like that. For hurting him all this time. Tooru hated every second of it. Even with the dull ache, Tooru still woke from horrific nightmares of the attack and the night everything changed.

Over these years he'd learned to put up a mask that only Kuroo could see through after that night, learning the man was far more perceptive than Tooru'd liked, so he'd given in and let him in past those walls. He'd grown to appreciate the man's help, an unlikely ally in learning to figure out how to adjust to this new "life" away from everything else. He'd learned to rely on him like he did with Hajime, but it wasn't the same, not quite.

Everything was screaming inside of Tooru to just let himself be put out of his misery, to just let it be over with, but when had Tooru listened to those rational thoughts when it came to Hajime? He was selfish, impulsive, and all around terrible when it came to that man; always teasing and picking on him even when it'd get him smacked upside the head for it. It was just a way he showed his love with a shitty grin and adoration obvious in his eyes.

And that impulsive behaviour hadn't left him, evidenced by the return to looking mostly human save for fuzzy ears the colour of his hair and eyes tipped with black, and a tail the same, except the underside was pure white against the brown. His expression was full of both fear and regret, just short of crying. Around Tooru's neck was the stupid Godzilla phone charm he'd stolen the same day of the attack, turned into a necklace because it would always be a piece of Hajime no matter where Tooru went.]

How could I... I couldn't hurt you, that'd be like hurting myself.

[toughlovin]

[Blood turned to ice. His heart stopped and his breath with it. Hajime watched the wolf change right before his eyes with a dawning sense of unreality.

And he wanted to run.

The temptation was great. So great he actually found himself taking a step back when big, emotive brown eyes lifted to him. There was a buzzing in Hajime's ears, almost loud enough to drown out the words spoken to him in that painfully familiar voice.

This wasn't real. It was impossible. Tooru had died. He'd seen him die. Hajime had mourned...! If Tooru had been alive, if the man he had loved had been in this world all these years, he would have made himself known. He would have. Hajime knew that. So this... this thing with Tooru's face and voice couldn't have been him.

It just couldn't.]

No...

[The word left his lips in an icy, dark tone.

Because he'd seen it. The charm around his neck. Something only Tooru could have had. Something that proved that the painful reality before him was real.]

Oh... oh how you must have suffered all these years, then. Letting me believe you're dead. If you'd wanted to hurt me, you should have just killed me instead.

Why the fuck are you still alive, Oikawa?! WHY DIDN'T YOU COME BACK TO ME?

[Hajime had started out calm but his anger had rose. Anger, boiling within him, burning the ice from his veins. A heat he hadn't felt in so many years. In the end he yelled, his voice cracking toward the end as pain lanced through his chest.

Why...? That was the question. Why had Tooru left him? Why hadn't he come back?

Why was he a damned wolf?]

[grandtrashking]

[Even if he knew the fury was coming, knew it was his fault for letting Hajime suffer so long due to his cowardice, Tooru couldn't help but feel his own anger rise. Tooru deserves it, he deserves all of Hajime's fury and to be thrown against any surface with Hajime screaming at him for every stupid thing he did and every single time he'd overworked himself for some petty reason or another, but at the same time he's furious at everything.

And he flinched at his surname being used by the person who had long since called him Tooru in the past, and it cut deeper than the one that had been meant to kill him. He was shaking, both with regret and anger, breathing quickening from everything. It was too much, so much that he couldn't cry. Yet.]

If you think I haven't suffered or replayed that night in my mind over and over for five years, then I guess you don't know me as well as I thought you did. I couldn't kill you even if I hated you with every fiber of my being, you should know that better than anyone.

[Tooru spat that with every bit of venom in his voice, laced with agony before he just started yelling.]

I DON'T KNOW, I'VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHY FOR THE PAST FIVE YEARS!

[His voice quiets, remembering the words he was told, not understanding at the time that he shouldn't search for Hajime, but now he understood perfectly. Tooru's tone became the cold fury he'd been known to have when he was truly pissed off and unable to lash out because he had to keep up appearances. There was a smell that made him bare his fangs in a snarl, one he learned to avoid or else he really could die. "Wolves don't involve themselves with vampires. You will die if one catches you alone because they're never alone."]

I couldn't... I was told I shouldn't involve myself with you anymore. Now I know why. Looks like I'm not the only one who'd been keeping secrets. How long Hajime, how long have you been one of them? I can smell it all over you. Were you like this when I should have died with my chest ripped open and bleeding out, was terrified and calling for you only to be met with nightmares instead?

[toughlovin]

[He froze, the words dying in his throat before they had reached his lips.

That expression, those words and tone... the bared fangs. How had this happened? Hajime just couldn't wrap his head around the thought that somewhere along the line Tooru had been turned. And now he was in front of him. Demanding answers of his own, all while stabbing him deep with his words and twisting them within his gut.]

Yes...

[His voice was quieter now, there was a near tremble to it as he admitted to his lie.]

No one knew. No one could know... [They would have killed him had anyone found him. Vampire of Werewolf. He was an abomination after all. He was a walking taboo. He was something that shouldn't ever have existed. A vampire who could walk in the daylight like a normal human.]

I thought... you were dead. If I'd known... If I thought there was a chance...

[He'd have run with him. He'd have risked it all to protect Tooru. But with him dead, Hajime had let his pain and grief send him away.

Between one second and the next, somehow Hajime had fallen. His knees had buckled sending him to the ground with his head hung low.]

... I'll free you. Then you should go. They're right. Being around me... You're better off without being near me.

[grandtrashking]

[Tooru thought his heart couldn't be ripped open even further, but the confirmation of what he asked felt like a killing blow and he had to choke back a sob to force himself not to cry. He felt betrayed this, yet he just can't bring himself to hate Hajime, he still loved him too much to ever hate him and Tooru hates himself for being unable to and just let go. Maybe then he'd be at peace with himself, but he knows that's impossible.]

Why... WHY?! YOU COULD HAVE SAVED ME... I know what your kind can do, so why, why didn't you? You fucking LEFT me there in that state, not even having the decency to take me with you even if I HAD died.

You thought I was dead, bullshit. Did you even try before giving up on me? What happened to being together through everything? Some lie that was!

[Tooru's breathing bordered on hyperventilating, offended and hurt that such a thing was kept from him while he was still human. Even more betrayed knowing the fact Hajime would have outlived him by keeping such a secret, and Tooru would have given anything to walk by Hajime's side for an eternity if he could be turned.

One hand was gripping onto the charm, drawing attention to the scar on his chest from the gash that had healed but scarred for some reason, his painful reminder that instead of dying he was subjected to hell ever since that night. The other hand propped him up, suddenly reminding him of the trap clamped down on his shin, sending a jolt of pain up his body. And a cold laugh at those final words.]

Right. Let me go free when this thing is locked onto my leg, with what I know is a broken leg. Just mock me why don't you, I can't even run off as a wolf, only limp off like some pathetic thing that can't defend himself. Sure.

Don't think you can escape so easily, I'm not done with you. You owe me answers.

[toughlovin]

[Hajime flinched, shoulders tensing as Tooru yelled at him. It was all true. All of it. He'd left. He'd run. But how could he explain himself? Would Tooru even understand? Maybe... Maybe if things were better between them he could get him to see things as he had. But right now...?]

You were dead... There was so much blood and you were gone... I could sense a wolf pack coming and I... [He shook his head, eyes closing tight.] I let instinct take me. I wasn't thinking. I wanted them to kill me too. But years of hiding made me run...

[He trailed off then, the laugh jolting him and forcing his head up and eyes to find where the trap had captured Tooru's leg. There was blood... Blood and metal teeth digging deep into flesh. Why hadn't he realised that? Why had he let Tooru sit there in pain all this time?

Hajime moved, pushed himself forward and grabbed either side of the trap. He ignored Tooru's bitter words for now.]

This will hurt... I'm sorry.

[With the smallest application of pressure, Hajime pulled the two edges apart, opening the trap and even going to far as to snap the damn thing in half rendering it completely unusable. Then he went one step further and tore the bottom of his shirt so he had something he could wrap the bloodied wound with.

There wasn't much he could do about the break.]

... You need to get this cleaned. I'll... [he sighed heavily.] I'll tell you whatever you want. But deal with this first.

[grandtrashking]

CLEARLY I wasn't, dead people don't just spring back to life like that! Not even newborn vampires are turned at death, nor do wolves.

[He knew that was a lie, but he's been in denial to ever accept he'd actually died for a while before he could turn, the body's way to cope with the extreme pain of becoming a monster. Tooru refused to believe any of it, and he was too pissed at Hajime to accept any of it.]

Coward. You goddamn COWARD. I should hate you for this, for leaving me to choke in my own blood. But I can't. I SHOULD, everything in me says I should hate you and try and kill you, but you know what? The sick thing is that I still love you, even after you told me this. I just live to torture myself, just like when we both were still in high school and I overworked myself just to be able to stay on top of everyone else when they'd be better than me anyway in a few years.

[He was just ranting now, pissed at everything and nothing, at himself and Hajime. Tooru was being hypocritical, he'd run away too, let the man he loves more than anything suffer for so long.

Instinctively, Tooru flinched at the touch, having had multiple close calls with vampires that he couldn't help it, cursing himself for such a reaction when he knows Hajime would never hurt him on purpose.]

Can't you just use your blood to heal it? If it hurts me, then it's not like it'll make any of this worse since I'm already injured.

[toughlovin]

[He bore the anger and venom of the words thrown at him as they were no less than he deserved. As if he couldn't have hated himself more, knowing that he'd actually left Tooru alive... If Tooru had wanted to kill him he would have exposed his neck and allowed it to happen. He would have given him justice.

Because he was a coward. Hajime had always believed it. By running like he had, it was the most cowardly thing he had ever done in his life.

So he let the words wash over him, took the pain into himself to feed the constant ache inside.

Until Tooru suggested a way to heal his leg.

What colour there was in Hajime's face vanished. His eyes widened and he shook his head.]

I can't do that.

[He wouldn't. It was the one thing he had always told himself. A vow he had refused to break. He would never, ever use his powers on Tooru. He would never used his sullied blood on him. And he would never know what he was...

Not because he had wanted to hide, which he had, but because for just a moment... Hajime had been able to pretend he had been normal. With a normal life and a normal love. He'd been wrong.]

It's... dirty. You shouldn't have it anywhere near you.

[grandtrashking]

Cut the crap Hajime, I don't care. I wouldn't care if it was or not, you can heal with it can't you? If you wanted to make it up to me, then cut the shit and just do it. Do you really want to let me just sit here knowing that this hurts?

[Funny, just 5 years ago before all of this, Tooru would be the one at the end of the snapping for being self-deprecating or making an offhand comment about how he wasn't good enough at something specific with a grin on his face as if he were speaking the truth.

But now he's the one with the pent up anger and words lashing out. Even with making painful jabs at himself weren't doing anything. Time had changed them, Tooru for sure, being far more reckless with his one-track mind and desire to find the bastard that did this to him.]

What happened to the short-tempered, caring, passionate man I fell in love with? The man who'd smack me for saying stupid things or call me a dumbass or shittykawa for being a dramatic brat?

[There had to be something left for Tooru to make Hajime get riled up for the most ridiculous things, something Tooru could cling on to.]

[toughlovin]

... He died five years ago when he cowardly ran from the remains of the man he loved.

[Bitterness was thick in his voice. Self-loathing deep within each and every word he said. How could he hit Tooru or call him names? Up until a few minutes ago he'd been dead.

But Tooru was right again. Hajime was making excuses. He could do something about the pain the other felt, it was his own hangups that stopped him. None of that mattered now. Tooru knew what he was. What was the point keeping his vow now?

To hell with it.

Hajime lifted his hand to his lips and with a vicious slash of curved teeth, he sliced into his wrist, tearing the flesh before he moved the hand back to allow the blood to cover Tooru's wounds.]

You got what you want. Now what?

[grandtrashking]

[Again with the cowardice. Tooru had half a mind to just punch Hajime for it, to reach over and throw a punch. He's furious enough to do so, but he waits. At least until Hajime's done with healing him, which feels weird as the injury heals. It tickles almost, as he can feel not only the skin, but bone to some extent heal. Enough to be steady enough to walk on on, but not bleeding anymore.

Before he can give Hajime the chance to pull his arm away, Tooru grabs it quickly, using it both to keep Hajime from leaving but enough to properly pull himself up into a sitting position.

Now what? The answer was obvious. It was always obvious to Tooru, who even now had a clear enough head in his anger to know that answer.]

For starters, don't you dare leave me again, I don't care if the others I've been with are angry with me, don't leave me ever again. Second? Stop. I'm right here, regardless of what I am now. Stop focusing on what you didn't do, we can't change anything and if anything, I'm still alive so there's some good that came of that night. Even if it's hurt us since then.

[Tooru's words are annoyed, even if he's still pissed at the whole situation. But more than anything he just wants his Hajime back, not this pathetic man in front of him.]

I don't know why, after what you've said, but I still love you. The real you, not this excuse of a man with the face of someone I care about. He's in there, give him back to me.

[Tooru's grip tightens, tears finally escaping him as he spoke, unspoken words of how scared he actually had been. A combination of anger and having yelled enough to hit that point. He was far from done being furious, but he was also face to face with the only person who could get him to lash out and take it. That in itself was strangely calming.]

Lastly. I just want you... Us... Back. Let me be selfish. I'll answer any questions you have... I'm not going to promise I won't yell at you, but I'll answer things.

[toughlovin]

[Hajime had more than enough strength to pull away if he'd wanted, but he didn't. Tooru's hands were warm upon his cooler skin. If anything he wanted to scold because he was going to get his hands dirty with blood if he wasn't careful.

Before he could say a word, Tooru had started talking.

And it was his turn to want to punch.

Yeah, Tooru was right there. But unlike Tooru, who had known well and good that Hajime was alive... Hajime had gone the last five years convinced the only person he had ever, and would ever, love had died. And he was supposed to just brush that off as if none of it had happened?

He wished he could just grab Tooru, to pull him close and hold him tight. But he was terrified this was all just some awful, vivid dream. Not even the painful throbbing of his wrist was enough to fully banish the idea from his mind.

Hajime was ready to argue. Even get angry. Until he saw those tears.

In a flash he'd thrown caution to the wind and shifted the hand being held by Tooru. Twisting it, he grabbed the wolf and tugged him hard, pulling him forward and straight into a waiting embrace.]

You... you're an asshole. You're going to get me killed. But I don't care. [Hajime's arms tightened and his face dropped to Tooru's shoulder. He was warm. Solid. His scent was completely Tooru. This wasn't a dream at all.] I've missed you... All these years, I never stopped. Never stopped loving you. I won't leave you, Tooru. Never again. I swear it.

[grandtrashking]

[Tooru almost wanted to be punched, it would prove that the Hajime he loves so much was still there under it all. Under all the self-loathing bullshit that came to the surface, and he would've just taken it because Tooru knows he deserves it. He's a bitter, selfish, petty, and childish person who sometimes didn't see past his own wants and desires; but when it came to Hajime he gave all of himself, even the awful parts of himself.

He wasn't expecting to be pulled into an embrace, sitting there stunned into silence until Hajime's voice snapped him back into reality, causing him to cling tightly. A little too tight, fearing this was yet another nightmare he'd wake up crying or yelling from, but it was real. That touch was real, that voice was real, and that scent was real. It's slight, but Tooru'd found himself shaking from all of it. The anger, the regret, and the relief of not having to hide anymore.]

I know I'm an asshole, you don't think I'd ever forget you calling me that at least once a day, do you? It was one of the last things you called me because I'd tripped you for something stupid. [A fairly amused laugh, gripping even tighter to Hajime's back, terrified of letting him go.] I'm... I'm sorry. I really did want to come find you, but I knew I'd be killed for even trying to. It's a living hell, but I was given a second chance to live again in exchange for once a month I lose myself to some feral instinct.

[An apology was rare for him, and never said genuinely very often outside of sarcastic teasing ones when his brattiness went too far.]

[toughlovin]

[Hajime stopped just short of actually causing Tooru pain with his embrace. The more Tooru clung the more he clung in turn until it was hard to tell where one began and the other ended.]

I'd have protected you...

I'd never deliberately hurt you. [Says the man who had whacked Tooru upside the head on more than several occasions. But knowingly, maliciously hurting Tooru was something he could never have done.

But how could Tooru have ever known that Hajime had the power to protect him. He'd hidden that part of himself for so long...]

I'm sorry I never told you. I wanted to be normal. I wanted to keep you safe. The less you knew the safer you were. I'm... You must have guessed by now, right? [Hajime pulled back a bit then, back enough so he could look at Tooru. Surely Tooru had realised. If he'd been a vampire when they'd been together, just how many of those days had been spent in the sun?] What I am. I'm a Daywalker, Tooru. Outcast even by other vampires. I've hidden who I am all my life...

[grandtrashking]

I know, I know. What we are, what others like us are, we can't just go running our mouths, even to the people we trust the most.

[Kuroo had even ganged up on him with a few others to drag Tooru back from exposing himself for what he was early on, not having come to terms that he was no longer the human he was born as, but instead a dangerous beast with the power to kill.]

I'm still mad at you for not telling me, but I understand. And I could tell immediately when I ran into you just now. No vampires in their right mind would willingly walk in the sunlight. Why do you think I'd care about that, when it just means I can be even more selfish with making you spend more time with me? Don't be stupid.

[Even with half the time his optimism was faked for insecurities, Tooru still had a way of seeing the best when it came to Hajime. Someone had to when madly in love with a grumpy person, and Tooru made himself that person for as long as they'd known each other.]

Anyway. Isn't it your turn to yell at me for letting you suffer for so long? Let it out, be mad at me. Don't give me any bullshit that you're not pissed at me for letting you believe I really did die while I ran away.

[toughlovin]

[When it was said like that... Hajime kind of felt stupid for making such a big deal out of it. Even if, technically, it was a big deal.

All of his life he'd been warned to keep himself hidden. That it wasn't safe. That the whole world would want him dead for who he was. Sometimes it embarrassed him to be this way. But the way Tooru said it all... Somehow he felt more accepted for being himself he'd ever felt before. It almost made him laugh.

Trust Tooru to see his problem as a positive simply so he could be a selfish bastard and spend more time with him...

Hajime just shook his head and sighed. As for the rest...]

I'm pissed. I'm hurt and I was broken. I hate you were alive all this time and couldn't even find a way to send me a damn note. Nothing...

[He'd started out sounding tired and resigned. Had intended on leading up to the reason why he didn't want to fight now he had Tooru beside him again. But the more he said, he more he found himself warming up to that old anger and pain.]

Would it have hurt? A messenger pigeon, smoke signals, a fucking email... Anything just to let me know! Why didn't you? Tooru, why... Did you hate me that much?

[grandtrashking]

[Tooru just flinches at the intensity of those words. Words he has been expecting ever since he ran away, despite wanting to come back yet knowing that both of them would be in danger. Even knowing those words were coming, it still catches him off-guard, still hurts. It still drives a hot knife through his chest.

He had his reasons, reasons that Hajime had to understand. Tooru couldn't just expose himself, but at the same time he was right, an email couldn't have hurt. Yet at the same time, Tooru knew he'd never be able to stop at just an email. He'd go all the way, to the point of rushing back into those strong arms that made him feel safe, and he just couldn't risk either of their lives for his selfishness. It was better off this way, to let everyone besides the selected few know he'd died in some terrible animal attack.

Tooru took a shaky breath and pulled himself out of the safety of Hajime's embrace to put his hands in his own lap while staring at his hands, because the next words out of his mouth were definitely going to be painful for them both.]

I should have, you're right. You should have known I didn't die, but I had to keep it from you, because I know you, you'd have made your way to Tokyo where I'd been staying for a while into a den of cats and wolves on your own. Marched your way to certain death, because while some of them knew? Only a handful supported it. Most of them didn't care that you were -are- my life, to them all you were is a vampire, regardless of what kind of one you are. To them you were the enemy, and they protected their own, no matter what. They wouldn't have even told me, since they never told me they knew the truth about you, probably some stupid reason of protecting me or whatever.

[There's a huff of irritation at the last bit before taking another deep breath, preparing for a punch he deserves. Tooru knows this part is going to be the worst of it all, and he already hates himself for it, judging by how he's digging his sharp nails into his palms and drawing blood without even realizing it.]

But... I kept tabs on you. Through that Shouyou boy, the hyper one with bright orange hair. He was the first one to find me and know I wasn't actually dead. Mad Dog and Yahaba too. All three of them kept a close eye on you for me for some time, until I asked them to stop because it hurt too much. Don't... Don't blame them, it wasn't their fault.

[toughlovin]

[As soon as Tooru began to move, Hajime's heart dropped. He'd pulled away. Distanced himself and lowered his head in a way that made Hajime feel sick.

Could he take his words back? Could he slap a hand over Tooru's mouth and stop him before he did this? He was a vampire, he had the speed and strength to do just that. And yet Hajime didn't move. He sat there, eyes on Tooru as if watching a train wreck happening before his eyes.

'You should have known I didn't die'... How? How was that fair to say? Tooru had died. His pulse had stopped. If there had been any way for him to have known the man he loved was alive, even a thready hint of a pulse, he would have taken Tooru with him. But he hadn't...

Maybe he would have hunted Tooru down. Maybe he would have moved Heaven and Earth to find him. But if Tooru had told him no... He'd have been crushed, but he would have held back. He would have done that no matter how much it had killed him. Because knowing the man he loved was out there, alive and well, was so much better than knowing he was dead.

And then Tooru said the worst thing he could have.

Kept tabs on him.

Spied on him.

A friend had... The feeling of betrayal blinded him. Hajime didn't even realise he'd moved until he felt an ache in his hand and realised that Tooru was no longer sitting in front of him. He'd punched him.]

YOU DID WHAT? You... you fucking ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU DO THAT? You weaponised my damn friends? Had them spying on me? Stopped because it hurt you?! But what about me? Did it make you happy hearing what a fucking wreck I was after you died?

[Hajime was on his feet now, he didn't know if he wanted to run or pace or sit his ass back down. He didn't know what he wanted to do. Everything was in question now. The last five years was a lie. All of it. And the only one who hadn't known... was him.

He was a fool.

He swayed on his feet, his eyes closed.]

Why... Why, Tooru..?

[grandtrashking]

[He knew it was coming and just takes it, lets himself get punched. Tooru knew he'd been cruel to do that to Hajime and yet he still thought his choice was the right one, just like when Ushijima had confronted him during high school about having picked Seijoh over Shiratorizawa, calling his pride worthless. It felt like that day all over again, but even worse since he wasn't dealing with someone who made him sick to his stomach, but his best friend turned boyfriend. Someone he'd loved a whole lot longer than he'd ever realized.

The punch knocked him down, pain flaring from the impact, but Tooru stubbornly refuses to let it show how much it's hurting. Stubborn, worthless, pride on display instead with a cold glare despite knowing it's a mask he knows can be seen through, the same mask he puts on just before he's about to completely lose it on whoever's in front of him. His words are just as icy as his glare once he manages to force that faked togetherness.]

Hajime don't. They are NOT just your friends, they're mine too. You think they didn't argue with me about keeping it from you, knowing exactly how I feel about you and our relationship? Our former teammates almost turned on me for it and Shouyou actually yelled at me for it, something I didn't think the kid had in him to do outside of yelling at Tobio.

[Hajime's words cut him deep, and it was a struggle not to drop the cold act and explode that very second, but Tooru always had a strange gift for it. It earned him respect on the court for how he kept himself composed despite the fury underneath the surface that not many knew about, only showing glimpses of it in how he'd speak.]

If you really think that knowing that you were suffering made me happy, then I don't know what to say. You're the last person I wanted to see suffering. Would you believe me that I kept tabs on you to protect you since I didn't know what you were at the time? You've always looked out for me, it was about time I returned the favour. Only this time, I had to do it without you knowing.

[Each word cut at Tooru as he spoke them, half pushing away in an attempt to protect Hajime and himself because of knowing that vampires and werewolves being together was seen as something wrong, though Tooru thought the idea and prejudice ridiculous over some grudge held for who knew how long. Even before entering that world, Tooru thought it was stupid and didn't make any sense with that trope in stories. The other half just being pissed at both of them for their own actions.]

If you're not going to listen to me, maybe I should leave. Pretend that today didn't happen. No matter what the answers we want from each other are.

[Saying that right after he'd selfishly demanded Hajime never leave him again made Tooru sick to his stomach and just enough of a waver in his voice betrayed the fact he didn't really want to pretend that didn't happen.

But still, he stood, thankful for the fact he still had his dark blue cargo shorts still on him instead of being completely naked. His leg ached, but it was stable enough to run on if he decided to take off, but for now leaning against the tree behind him with arms crossed and eyes locked onto Hajime; tail lashing behind him like a cat thanks to spending time around Kuroo and picking up cat-like traits despite Tooru being canine.]

[toughlovin]

[Hajime didn't understand why Tooru was doing this. It was as if he was deliberately trying to push him away. Worse, he was doing it in such a way it almost made it sound like it was Hajime's fault.

A cold feeling swept through him then.

Was he not allowed to feel? Was that what was wrong here? He couldn't feel betrayed. He wasn't allowed. They all had their reasons for why they did everything, it was Hajime's own fault for not realising. After all, he should have known Tooru was alive and well, right?

He wasn't allowed to hurt. Tooru had hurt as well. So how in the world could Hajime dare make anything about himself when Tooru has also suffered? Shouyou had yelled at him? Terrible. Tooru was undoubtedly the one who needed the most sympathy here.

Hajime was wrong for thinking that Tooru had enjoyed his suffering. Of course that was wrong. He'd been protecting him. For five fucking years. He should be grateful. He should be thanking Tooru instead of getting angry. Right? Wasn't that what was happening here? Just let Tooru go so that he could go back to pretending he was dead. Because nothing, not a damn thing he had done so far, had made Hajime feel like he was welcome at Tooru's side again...

He'd been told never to leave. But Tooru was threatening to do just that. One rule for him, another for Tooru.

And yet...

Hajime couldn't leave it like that. In a flash he was in front of Tooru. He'd grabbed him by the shoulders, his eyes were dark and cold.]

The last person you wanted to see suffer, but here you are, doing everything you can to hurt me. Why're you lying? Why're you doing this to me? Why're you pushing me away?

I can forget everything. Forgive everything, if you just... stop... being a goddamn asshole for one fucking second! [Hajime gave him a little shake then to emphasis his point. With his strength he could have rattled Tooru to the bone. But the shake was gentle. Even as angry as he was, he was mindful of just how much he could hurt without meaning to.]

[grandtrashking]

[Sympathy and pity were the last things Tooru wanted right now, sick of them already from others who had watched him hurt and practically rip his own heart out with his choices since he'd woken up alive. He chose to hurt himself by hiding after learning what he'd become and the rules that came with being that. Hajime had deserved to know, should have known because Tooru should have just called or emailed him instead of making him suffer.

Sympathy and pity were wasted on a hypocrite like himself and he knew it. Knew it better than anyone, more than even Hajime, who knew Tooru the best. The one that really deserves the sympathy isn't Tooru, it's Hajime, but Tooru would get there with it after he calmed his temper. For now he needed to keep pushing to get more of the man he loves more than anything to the surface, no matter how much it hurt Tooru to keep jabbing at old wounds and sore spots.

And it seemed to be working. The punch and the yelling were good enough signs, as were the insults. But he knew that Hajime was holding back, and that didn't sit well with him.]

I wasn't tracking you if that's what you're thinking, I was tracking a young wolf when I found you. I didn't even want to come back to Miyagi, I was perfectly fine never coming back.

[More lies, more pushing, but Tooru would bear the weight of it himself. But the shaking gets a sigh out of him.]

And Iwa-chan? Unless you forgot, I've always been an asshole. I'm petty, bitter, selfish, childish, and an asshole. You know that better than anyone else, because you chose to fall in love with all of it.

I'm also not as weak as I used to be before that night when I ran out looking for you, knowing that there were people getting attacked by wild animals all around the prefecture and in Sendai itself. I know you're holding back on me, so don't.

[Being seen as weak is something Tooru didn't want. He may not be as physically strong as others, but he knew how to fight back and use his surroundings to his advantage well enough to stay on similar levels as those stronger than him. Plus he was fast, and could outrun bulkier opponents.]

[toughlovin]

[And just like that, what remained of his heart died. What little ray of hope he'd had on seeing Tooru was alive vanished. All that was left was a cold, gaping hole where no light could escape.

Tooru had never wanted to come back. Was fine with never coming back...

Even if, somewhere deep inside, Hajime knew it was a lie... to have said it at all, it broke him. A million jagged pieces with no hope of repair.

He was done.

His hands dropped as he took a step back, then another staggering one. Hajime kept on taking steps back, putting distance between them both.]

Then go... Leave me. Don't ever come back... I don't need this. You say I'm holding back? Fuck you, Oikawa. Fuck you, you hateful sonofabitch.

I don't need this...

[Hajime turned on his heel and walked away. It would have been better if Tooru had stayed dead in his memories. Maybe somehow he'd put him on a pedestal? Made him seem better than he actually was. The man he'd loved, the man who had been so warm in his arms. That silly brat of a man who would laugh and smile for him and make him feel... human. That man wasn't the one behind him. That one made him feel less than human. Less than loved. And Hajime was done.]

[grandtrashking]

[Fuck. That is not how he'd planned this. He'd wanted to have Hajime so riled up and pissed off at him they'd get into a proper fight, not this. Not drive a wedge between them this badly where he'd be given up on. Tooru was stunned silent, every bit of the cold mask dropping to a look of pure horror once Hajime had turned away, slowly sliding down the base of the tree and sitting there. He'd broken himself open for nothing and had gotten the wrong outcome, though he should have known better than to expect the right reaction from Hajime when he knew him too well. Everyone else he's taunted have been too predictable in their reactions, because he was usually an unknown and clever enough to use different angles, but Hajime would know all of his tricks, and Tooru like always had forgotten to factor that in.

Though Tooru listened to the footsteps, ears twitching at the directions walked and for branches snapped, forming another plan as his rage built up. Fuck it. He'd have to just lose it after all on Hajime and pray that would work instead of ruining any chance he had of fixing his cruelty these last 5 years. He wasn't one to give up just like that, after all, he was too selfish and stubborn to let this go.

Slowly getting himself back up, Tooru looked for the best route, knowing these woods from growing up around them and the night everything changed burned into his memory. Finding it, he took off straight after Hajime, using what he'd picked up from Kuroo about being quiet to sneak up on prey and got ahead quickly enough to just launch from a tree branch directly into Hajime with all of his anger into shoving him down onto the ground with Tooru pretty much sitting on top of him. Hard. One hand pressed into Hajime's chest to hold him down with more strength than he'd planned to use and the other balled into a fist ready to punch.]

I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU YET, DON'T YOU DARE RUN OFF ON ME!

[He was snarling, fangs bared in anger, and breathing heavily. To hell with keeping himself composed and mature on the surface. Tooru was only holding back enough not to let himself be overtaken by animal instincts, because that urge was definitely there to take a swipe instead of just hold his closed fist over Hajime.]

Fuck me? Really? Yeah I guess that's right, after hiding myself away and not telling you when you deserved to know that I was alive. Hateful? You're not wrong either. I hate this. I hate what I've become and I hate you for hiding the truth too. You could have saved me and I hate you for not doing anything. I'm not the only asshole here Iwaizumi, look at yourself in a fucking mirror and you'll see the other asshole.

[Not "Iwa-chan", not "Hajime", but the full surname.

And what Tooru hates most of all is that he started crying again as he was yelling, because he hated himself most of all for everything he'd put Hajime through just this morning alone and the cruel things he'd said.

While he was selfish, impulsive, bitter, childish, and all those other negative things; Tooru also cared too much about the people and things closest to him, and put up too many walls to stop himself from getting close so they wouldn't see his insecurities. He'd never gotten over any of it, not in the best way.]

[toughlovin]

[Hajime left. He just turned and started walking. Forcing his feet to take one step at a time away from the lies standing behind him.

In his heart he'd dreamed of this happening. That somehow, some way, Tooru would find his way back to him. He'd wake up one day and he'd be by his side, tucked into his arms like he had never left. Bittersweet dreams that he'd stupidly clung to even knowing they could never happen.

So when Tooru was there, right in front of him, spewing so much venom and hate toward him, those dreams came crashing down around Hajime's head. What happened to a beautiful reunion? To holding and being held? To kisses. Declarations. They'd come close. They'd been holding one another for a little while. Had admitted there were feelings still. Hajime had promised never to leave Tooru again.

And yet here he was, leaving. Breaking that promise minutes after making it. Hajime would never have made that promise if he'd known that it would lead to more suffering. That Tooru would use it as an excuse to break him down all the more. Because what did he expect? That in an eye blink everything would go back to the way it had been five years ago? Impossible. They were both different people now. Maybe in time they could recapture how things had been between them when they were younger. But it wasn't something that would happen overnight. And not something that would happen now. Not with Tooru's words ringing in his ears...

He would never have come back...

The pain in Hajime's chest made him feel like he was dying. His steps faltered. And it was in that hesitation that Tooru got the drop on him.

Down Hajime went, falling onto his back with a heavy weight upon him. He was dazed enough he couldn't react fast enough, which probably saved Tooru's life right then. He could have killed him. Snapped his neck without even thinking about who it was who had attacked him.

But he just lay there. Hands at his sides, staring blankly up at Tooru and let the words wash over him.]

My only wrong... was thinking you dead. [He spoke coldly, eyes devoid of all emotion.] My biggest regret is not dying with you that night.

[His eyes closed then, not wanting to look at those tears any more.]

I never wanted you to know the truth. I wanted a normal life. A human life. I wanted to grow old with you. Life a life with you and die when you died.

I couldn't have saved you, Tooru. You were already dead. If I'd tried...

[What if he'd come back wrong? Hajime would never have forgiven himself.]

I didn't want this for you. I didn't want any of this for you. This world. So hate me all you want... All I ever wanted was you, you dumbass. All I wanted was to be fucking normal. How fucking selfish am I, huh? How dare I ever want something like that. I should have just read your mind and instantly known you'd be fine fucking a vampire and living an eternity drinking blood. My bad.