grandtrashking | (no subject)

[Around and around in circles. Hinata listened better than this and understood quicker than this. How was it someone as smart as Oikawa couldn't figure it out? Why did he have to spell it out for him? That wasn't his job to do. Why was it down to him all of a sudden? What was this conversation even? Why was he still standing here arguing over something that was never ever going to change?

Kageyama knew he was beating a dead horse. Had thought that maybe he was over doing the same thing again and again and expecting a different result. His team had drilled that into him. Open your eyes. Adapt. Learn. Work with his team. Bend to their abilities to heighten his own.

But he wasn't doing that here. Because Oikawa's mind was already set. It was already stuck in the past that he couldn't see anything else before him. Kageyama shook his head and glanced away again. It was useless. So if it was useless then his words didn't matter. He could say what he wanted.]

... I a-admired you. You were amazing, I wanted to learn from you...

You never gave me that chance.

Simple.

[It was just that simple.

Sometimes Kageyama wondered just what would have happened if Oikawa had taken him under his wing. Where he would be right now. Just how good could they have gotten... if Oikawa had opened his eyes.]

[Well this is no fun, not getting the desired effect from Tobio. Getting him to snap would have just boosted his ego and need for superiority over him. Hell, he really must have grown up since then, as much as Tooru's loath to admit. Doesn't want to acknowledge, yet also does, that Tobio has certainly improved and is a good player.

But he'll still stand on the top one day, he has his own goals to go after.

But he just can't stop himself from making childish remarks.]

Maybe if you beg again like before, I'll help, since I haven't stopped practicing either. You did knock Ushiwaka down, so maybe I'll change my tune.

[As pissed as he is about that too, it was a damn good match even he could agree to having watched.]

I REFUSE!

[Taking a step forward, hands clenched so tight his knuckles had turned white, Kageyama's voice raised to a yell.

He was being mocked.

Of all the things to mock, his honest feelings were the wrong thing. Call him King. Call him useless. Trash. A egomaniac. Call him whatever the hell you wanted. Despite his own thoughts that his words didn't matter, once they had been spoken, he realised they had. They had been honest. They'd been the truth.

And Oikawa showed him once more that his honest feelings would never be accepted.]

Get lost! Get out of my face! I'm done with you!

[And that's what he was looking for, not even flinching when stepped closer to. Hajime would have smacked him by now, so Tooru just stands there unfazed except with a bit of a wider smirk. He'd hit the sore spot, and admittedly feels just a bit better watching Tobio snap on him.

Though he did mean it, if Tobio begged he just might help him. The guy has skill as much as he doesn't want to say it, but he does also have a lot to learn at the same time. Tooru could help, if only to one day crush him in a match at both of their bests.]

Now now Tobio-chan~ I wasn't kidding about that. I can help you! After all, if you're not at your best the next time we meet on the court, what fun would it be to crush you?

[Then, finally, a step back with feigned dramatic surrender.]

Enough of that now, tell me something will you? When I clarified romantically, just what did you mean by your answer of "you" to me? I know you admired me and followed me around, but was it just that, admiration?

[Kageyama froze.

It was hard switching gears so quickly. His anger had flared up, burning hot enough to singe the world around him... But just like that, ice water had been thrown in his face and he stood there, stunned.]

... What?

[Not the smartest thing to have ever come out of his mouth, and a word barely uttered to boot. Why was Oikawa asking this now? Was he mocking him again?]

[Curiosity won out, and it was on the back of Tooru's mind even with riling Tobio up. Half of him confused, the other half too damn nosy and curious for his own good.

Could he really use that to his advantage in a game if it was true? How much of a dick move would that be, how low even for him would that be to do something like that. Sure, he's teased girls, but never got cruel to them. He can be an asshole, but he's not someone who'd stoop that low if it's feelings towards him.

Not to mention the weird "what the fuck" feeling still buzzing in his head.]

You heard me, just what did you mean by that? Humour me Tobio-chan, spell it out for me what exactly you meant by that.

[No... He didn't want to. If he spelled it out he'd just be mocked again.

What would be the point in reopening that wound? He wasn't a masochist even if Oikawa was clearly a sadist.

But by the same token he knew he'd fucked up. Knew that having said anything at all it would cause his old senpai to harp on it... What if he said something in public? Then everyone else would question it. But if he did spell it out... Maybe Oikawa would be so disgusted he'd never bring it up again? Maybe he'd do him a favour and never show himself in front of him ever again?

Kageyama glanced over at Oikawa, eyes narrowed.]

Can't you work it out? I thought you were smart?

You asked about romantic feelings and I said you. What else could that mean? You asked about crushes... and I said you. [He gave a snort and looked away.] This is what I mean. You can't hear what people say.

[For once he's actually being genuine, and wants a straight answer. Not to mock him, but to just get answers. But he shrugs and sighs with an eyeroll, unsurprised by how Tobio's responding.]

So you're telling me that you have those kinds of feelings... For me?

[There's no way he's serious, right? He could have sworn Tobio was into the short redhead this whole time with how they acted, though he got the same comments about Hajime from Hanamaki and Matsukawa.]

I am smart, I just wanted to hear you say it again to make sure I heard you right!

[Because seriously Tobio, WTF was even that answer. He'd expected something entirely different.]

Had.

[He corrected the word with a scowl.

Even if, somewhere deep down, those feelings were buried somewhere. Why would he let them out now? Oikawa didn't feel anything for him but disgust and anger. Kageyama needed to make sure Oikawa was under now delusion as to what his feelings meant. And that they were back in the past.]

Like I said. You showed me your true feelings. I learned my lesson well.

What's the point in having feelings for someone who hates you?

[He shrugged and turned on his heel.

What was the point indeed...]

Fine fine, you had those feelings for me. In the past.

[A snort, paying close attention to everything that's being said, arching an eyebrow and thinking back on their Kitagawa Daiichi days where Tooru was certainly at his worst. Absorbed into doing everything on his own until having it pointed out to him that he can't.

So he decides to change his tone to one less antagonistic, and more or less friendly. Polite even.]

You know, the way you just said that doesn't make it sound like you've given up on them.

[His hands shoot up in more of a surrender with a shake of his head and a huff.]

And before you start yelling at me again, I'm not trying to get into your head right now.

[He has his own moments of not being an asshole, surprisingly.]

[He was actually about to turn back around and yell, but being called out stopped him in his tracks.

Kageyama shot Oikawa a dirty look. Even if he wasn't trying to piss him off, somehow he had a knack of doing it anyway.]

What does it even matter? Why do you care?

[Hands drop to his sides, slipping into pockets with a possibly risky few steps closer, though not in a threatening way and to just make his way by him yet keep any pace if followed. His way with words seemingly keeping him on top of the conversation, and at least no punches are being thrown.

For now, but he'd like to keep it that way.]

Shouldn't you be honest with yourself? You'll never know if you keep lying to yourself.

[Tobio once again, being given advice by Tooru over something simple. It worked out well last time, so why not test that luck again?]

Listen, I hate to admit it, but you're not half bad in looks. You having feelings for me isn't something I'll hold over your head in a match.

[What...?

Be honest with himself? What was going on here? Kageyama didn't move, only his eyes followed where Oikawa walked, brows knitted in confusion.

This wasn't going the way he expected and he was getting a headache.]

I'll never know what?

[Even as he made the demand a hand had lifted to pinch the bridge of his nose.]

Like I'd let you hold this over me...

[Is he really that dense as to not understand? Tooru's the one getting a headache now, feeling like he's losing braincells. This must be how his friends feel when he does dumb things, but oh well, he can deal with.

He just needs to make Tobio spit it out.]

Please tell me you're just playing stupid and you're not actually this dumb... I'm talking about spitting it out to the person you like, without stalling or making stupid excuses. Just say it.

You'll never know if someone else feels the same if you don't.

[Has he thought Tobio Kageyama was more than just a pain in his side and a shadow looming over his path to success? Maybe, now that he's thinking about it himself, but like hell he'd be the first to admit more than what he's let on. He sure as hell isn't gonna be the one to make some dramatic confession, regardless of how dramatic he can be.]

I'm many things, Tobio-chan, but I'm not terrible enough to fuck with someone's feelings like that.

[Then why was he being a hypocrite? If he didn't fuck with people's feelings why was he standing there demanding Kageyama spill his own?]

... You... think it's that damn easy?

[The words are forced out between gritted teeth. This was so stupid. Why was he even playing this game? What good would come from this? Why was Oikawa so determined?

Without quite realising he'd done it, Kageyama had taken a step forward. Then another. Unlike Oikawa who had tried to be as non-threatening as possible, Kageyama's expression was dark.]

So just say it, huh?

I'll never know, huh?

Just say the words so you can laugh, is that it?

[Step. Step... and finally he was in front of Oikawa. A hand shot out to grab the front of his shirt in a vice-like grip, his voice a near-growl.]

You wanna know I like you? Does it make you happy knowing that?! That I'm as dumb as you think I am? Yeah, I do. I'm an idiot and I like you and what good does it do me, huh? NOT A DAMN THING! So are you happy now?

[He shook him a bit, voice getting louder as the tightly held control of his emotions frayed and soon broke...]

[He shakes his head, of course he knows how hard that can be, but he's also too prideful to admit anything first. Although continuing to strike a nerve, this time entirely not intended, does give him a bit of a thrill.

He just can't help being amused by his rival being riled up, it's just too easy. But he's playing nice and peaceful, so Tooru keeps himself as non-threatening as he can be. Dare he say it, he's proud of Tobio's reaction.]

Did I ever say it was easy or that I'd laugh? Think. Use that brain of yours, or actually, stop using it too much and listen.

[He's staying annoyingly calm, as calm as he can be at least.

Though getting his shirt grabbed does get a reaction, a half-yelp even from the startle. That wasn't expected. But the yelling again was, and all Tooru can do is smirk. Dare he say it, he's proud of Tobio.]

There, you said it! You gonna leave it at that while up in my face, or leave me hanging?

[He's listened enough. What else was there to listen to? Just because Oikawa hadn't said he was going to laugh didn't mean he wouldn't and why wasn't he struggling? Why was he just standing there with that damned smirk on his face? Kageyama had an overwhelming urge to punch him... To do something to wipe that smile away.

Leave him hanging...? He'd love to throw him off of a damn bridge or... or the top of a building or out of a plane! Would he keep smiling then? Would he keep spouting nonsense then?

The hand gripping Oikawa's shirt tightened and, clenched and gave another shake.]

You... drive me insane.

I... [Hate you... I hate you I hate you I hate you...

His other hand clenched, balled into a fist and rose...

But instead of shooting out to strike that stupidly smiling face, it joined the other hand to grab Oikawa's shirt and tugged him hard, near off his feet, and straight into a not-very-gentle kiss.]

[Before he can even get the chance to reply, he's being pulled in for a rough kiss. A kiss that makes his heart skip a beat, a reaction also not expected, but not hated either. All of it thrills him, and all he can think to himself is:

I win, Tobio. I win.

He pulls himself back just for a moment to make his hands cooperate from the sudden reaction, before gripping Tobio's shirt with one hand and his chin with another with an almost devilish grin.]

I get that reaction a lot. Being told I drive them insane, that is.

[And then does something entirely unexpected of him: kisses Tobio back. Although far gentler than he'd been kissed.

After all, he wasn't going to make the first move. Not when he knew Tobio had it in him to take the initiative if he prodded him enough.]

[Immediate regret was like a splash of ice water over his head.

What was he doing? He was kissing Oikawa! Why? He was supposed to have punched him. Why had it turned out like this? Kageyama's mind was screaming at him to let go, to back off and to run and never look back. But before he could get his limbs to obey him, Oikawa had pulled back himself.

Was he going to be hit now? He'd deserve it, right? He... What... No no no this wasn't happening...

Oikawa was supposed to hit him now! Or back off and yell at him. Why was he grabbing him back? What was with that hand on his face? What... was with that smile?

And then the screaming in his head reached a fever pitch and, just like that, stopped...

The lips upon his were... terrifying. They were gentle. Soft upon his own. Kageyama hadn't moved. He'd frozen, not sure what he was supposed to do now. Instinct and anger had led him this far and without either, he was at a loss... His first kiss had been made in anger. His second... Why was Oikawa kissing him?!]

[Almost as if on instinct, Tooru pulls Tobio even closer, gripping his shirt even tighter. He's not running away, no not yet. Not while Tooru is enjoying that kiss, savouring his victory over getting that confession out of him. It was the sweetest victory, and the only thing that could have matched it would have been Seijoh kicking Shiratorizawa's asses themselves instead of the bitter loss to Karasuno.

But this? It comes close enough to make up for that. He had won the mental game of chess to force the confession out of Tobio, and even got this unexpected treat out of it.

He still resents the fact Tobio is better than him as a setter, but he'll deal with that later. His award is Tobio's confession.

His grip lessens on his chin, softly brushing a cheek with his thumb as Tooru breaks the kiss and stares him directly in the eyes with that same punchable devilish grin, still gripping Tobio's shirt so he couldn't run off on him.]

I told you, you wouldn't know if you didn't just admit it.

[Running was an impossibility since it seemed his knees had turned to jelly. They threatened to buckle at any moment. Kageyama did his best to lock them in place so he didn't embarrass himself, but even the hands that had long since loosened upon Oikawa's shirt trembled slightly.

He couldn't fathom what was happening. The kiss. The touch to his cheek that made his heart ache in a way that scared Kageyama. This was crazy. It was impossible. Why wasn't Oikawa laughing at him?.

The kiss came to an end and Oikawa pulled away from him. He'd not let go, Kageyama couldn't quite focus on the face in front of him. Dazed, confused, ears buzzing and heart thudding painfully against his ribcage... It was all he could do to stop himself from yanking away and running for the hills.]

Y-you...

[His voice started off shaky and soon trailed off... What he'd wanted to say was 'you hate me'. But if Oikawa hated him, would he really have done such a thing?]

... Why..?

[He does start laughing, but it's not mockingly, instead it's from being entertained by the reaction to his kiss back. He's not even kissing at his best, and he made Tobio react like that? Definitely amusing, and he carefully and swiftly shifts the hand that's balled into the other boy's shirt to around his waist for support, resting his palm on Tobio's lower back.

And for better control of keeping Tobio in place, though that doesn't seem like a problem at the moment.]

Don't get me wrong, I still hate that you replaced me in middle school and I still want to crush you on the court, but you're cute. You make me angry but... I think I stopped hating you a while ago and just hated your talent instead.

[As backhanded as his words sound, there's eerily no animosity in any of them. Just acceptance.]

And I'm not sure why, or when.

[Somehow, even though the laughter doesn't actually sound bad, it feels worse. Kageyama's at a loss for what to say or do. He can't even summon up his anger from before. It's all gone, leaving him feeling shaky and confused.

This isn't how it was supposed to go.

He didn't want to dust off those old feelings only to be hurt again. It had taken him so long to harden himself, to toughen up and get used to the idea he could only rely on himself. And it was an even harder lesson to learn that... was probably wrong as well. To be wrong about everything though...?

Something warm moved around him and pressed low on his back and Kageyama had to bite the inside of his cheek to fight the impulse to shiver.

Why was Oikawa touching him so familiarly? Oh, please, couldn't they just go back to fighting? That made more sense then Oikawa actually liking him!

But... then the idiot went and started talking. Kageyama's head had lowered, looking at his hands on Oikawa's chest. They'd long since flattened out, no longer gripping the others shirt but resting against his chest. He could push. Force him away. But he had no strength. He could only listen.

... Warmth flooded his cheeks.]

None of that... makes sense...

[Tooru sighs, still very entertained by the reactions. If there's one thing he could do even while sleeping aside from volleyball, it was flirting. That came naturally with his way with words to rile others up, and he learned to use it as just another weapon in his arsenal.

But this flirting was sincere, even if somewhat calculated. Successfully at that, given exactly how Tobio was reacting to him.]

Don't tell me that I need to spell everything out for you Tobio-chan.. C'mon, don't be that dense!

[The scolding is playful rather than laced with venom and animosity this time, and Tooru himself had just given into the fact that he didn't actually hate Tobio as much as he thought. Not after that kiss and reflecting about how he's acted, which was different from how he's always acted and felt about Ushijima.]

Yeah so what, guess that the hero you looked up to you isn't some evil monster after all, huh? Guess the great Oikawa Tooru is capable of having feelings for people, even his rivals. As long as those rivals aren't Ushiwaka, but you're not him, so you're not exempt!

[No, he was still an evil monster. And Kageyama wasn't that dense, he just hadn't had enough time to process. And he couldn't very well do that with Oikawa's hands on him in such an intimate way. Not with how close they were. And not with that voice... He couldn't actually remember a time that voice had been aimed at him. He'd heard Oikawa talk to others like that, but never himself... It was surreal. Part of him actually wondered if at some point he'd been knocked out and this was some kind of weird dream he'd soon wake up from.

But no. The hand on his back was warm. He could feel Oikawa's heart beating under his right palm. Those things wouldn't translate well, even in the most vivid of dreams...]

So what does this mean...?

[Kageyama still hadn't looked up, his voice was pitched low, hesitant. He wasn't being dumb but he did want it spelled out for him. He needed to know if he was supposed to turn around and walk away or... or if this was actually real.]